Sanity failing fast

Things are returning to normal, so should my blog.....although.....

2009-05-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

I think I went through the equivalent of postpartum depression with a dog. I can't even think what that would be called????? Canine-induced depression? Anyway, she is beginning to act like a normal dog. We are now working on training. I am teaching her to stand, sit (she has that pretty well down) lay, go through an agility tunnel, and many more fun things. I just wish I could get her to play with a ball. She is still extremely skittish around people, but I try and take her to the park and just have her sit and watch people. She can lay down and sleep in this atmosphere, so that is a huge thing for her.
I found out our swan, Romeo (he came with our house. No really, he was part of the deal) attacked one of our kid neighbors last year. He did some really bad damage, and I'm sure the psychological damage is pretty bad. I need to find him a new home. I won't have animals that attack people. One of my roosters is on death row presently for attacking my daughter. He had an expensive lawyer, but it didn't help. The jury was totally out on this one. He was found guilty and sentenced to beheading. He even attacked the judge after the verdict was read!!!!!
Romeo should have a death sentence,
but since he is a trumpeter swan (there is a law on the books about killing swans, his lawyer made sure the court knew this, what a mess that case was) he got a stay of execution, I am hoping to find a place for him where he can be with others of his species, kind of a hospital for the violently aggressive. I'm just lucky he didn't get me sued, but my gosh, the people never came and informed me of my bird's violent tendencies towards others. I just thought he was like that to me, my daughter, my mother, the cats, the dog, my not-related grandmother next door, the geese, the deer, um.........gosh I mean I just didn't have any idea he was aggressive. There were no warning signs!!!!! Hey look, I don't need handcuffs, please don't cuff me, I'm busy typing. Hey!!!!! don't put those on me, I have constitutional rights darnittt!!!!! No, no, not the rope, I told you I didn't know anything......ahhhhh!!!!!!............Help!!!!!!!

I think I really did loose my sanity there.

2009-04-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

I will start by telling you that adopting a rescue is no picnic. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. First let me state that I am not a control freak, but like control of my life. For many years my life has been out of control and now that things are totally normal I decide to whip my existence into a frenzy. I must say also that sleep deprivation causes insanity and depression, I should know. Yesterday was so bad I almost fell asleep at the wheel.
The transition with the dog has not been the easiest. OK its been hell, for me anyway. I think she has adjusted better than I have. I realize now that when she has an accident in the house it is my failure. I have never punished her for this, I'm using the school of thought that you don't punish an animal for accidents or they will hide them from you, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. For most of her training, again I go to Cesar Millan. I read Ceasar's Way in about a week and it really has helped with so many of her issues. Bubbles is an absolute joy to walk, I could spend hours with her on leash. She is a model of submission when on leash. With Ceasar's help from his book, she is almost over her fear of cars, although a semi set her back.
She is truly a wonderful dog, it's me that seems to be having issues. Everything that I deem as failure has me so depressed. In so many ways there is too much pressure on me for success. My daughter is totally attached to her, in fact when I mentioned to her that this may not work, she had a dream that Bubbles got cancer. My husband isn't fond of dogs to begin with and so I need to succeed so we can live in peace, and I can sleep in our bed again (I am sleeping on the couch attached to Bubbles by leash so that when she wakes up to go potty, she wakes me up. I tried crating her and that went very badly). I am so stubborn that I can't fail or I will fail myself. I realize that giving her up isn't an option, she is too attached to the family and I can't give her to someone else and hope she isn't abused again. She is so easily frightened, and men can terrify her. All it takes is a look from my husband and she pees from submission. Most people would be angry at her, I tell my husband he must clear his mind before approaching her if he is angry. We had two weeks of none of this behavior and then she upset my husband and off we went again. It is more like training of the humans, than of the dog. Cesar is too right. Hopefully I am not rambling to much, I will try to blog when I am not so tired. Goodnight :)

Good updates, Cesar Milan rules!!!!! and Peepers

2009-04-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

Bubbles is not following me like a shadow anymore. We had some instances of growling at the kids, so I changed tactics with how the kids are handling her. She needs to see them as leaders and I think she wasn't. I picked up Cesar Milan's (from the Dog Whisperer) book "Cesar's way" and there is some really great insight. I have seen him on t.v. (who hasn't) and even on t.v. his soul just shines through. But reading his book has been so inspiring. Just his acknowledgments made me want to cry. He is so sincere, honest, and open. Anyone who is thinking or has a dog should read this book. I really can't say enough about it. I love Cesar Milan!!! I could go on all day about Cesar Milan......
new subject so I don't bore you.
What is this picture you may ask, it is a chick ball. We get chicks in the mail which is a little like mail-order brides because we expect them to work for their keep. When they come they are all huddles together in a cute and fluffy mass called a chick ball. There is no way to differentiate between first chick and next, it is just a big mass of cuteness peeping away.

(The chicks do not have an evil aura, they are being filmed under a red light)
Bubbles went with me this morning to pick them up. She had never heard peeping before and reacted with her usual caution. It took her a bit to actually sniff the noisy box. It is always fun to go to the post office at 7:00 in the morning and hear them being carried through the mail room towards the doorway. Even the mail people think it is cute. peep peep Peep Peep PEep PEep PEEP PEEP!!!! Chick fun!

Combining Saturday and Sunday April 18 and 19 so I can catch up

2009-04-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday.
I took Bubbles to a friend of mine that has a dog she's had since he was a puppy. She watched Bubbles and the kids for about an hour. Bubbles did great, whined for a bit, but not anywhere near what I thought she would. She even drank some water and layed down. I think I am pampering her too much. I need to give her more credit.
We had a setback, I brought Bubbles home and all was well. I decided to run to the store with my friend Yo, I left my husband in charge of Bubbles. When I got home Bubbles is standing on our sidewalk all alone. Bubbles wouldn't come in the house with them, she was waiting for me to come home. My husband can't get close enough to her to pick her up, and my children...no way. We haven't been using her leash because she seriously follows me like a shadow, but I had told my husband to take her out on leash. I am really tied to the house now. Hate the seperation anxiety this dog is going through because it makes my life real difficult. I need to get her to attach to the rest of the family, not just me.
Then tonight she does the cutest thing, I am outside for her final potty before bed and she starts circling and circling and I am all excited because she is going to poop (Oh good God help me), and she just plops down in the grass. Little doggie has finally decided to lay down in front of me in. Trying not to be frustrated and it helps when she does these funny things.
Sunday
Today was a good day. I think we have made some improvements. She is letting the kids pet her. I have to start the petting and the kids take over. I tell them to stop and Bubbles moves closer "like hey, why did you stop."
My mother came over and Bubbles and I were outside. She actually ran to greet my mom and then suddenly stopped as if her sanity finally caught up to her. Obviously mine is still nowhere to be found.
My husband decided that we had to go to Costco and eat samples for our anniversary lunch
( you've got to know my husband to understand this. Even the sample ladies say what a good provider he is.....????????) I tried to get Bubbles to go poop before leaving, but she wouldn't. I knew my time was very limited and boxed her in. It was the fastest Costco run ever. My husband likes to spend 2 hours there minimum eating snacks (Costco you rule!!!!) Got home and she had gotten out of the boxed in area and pooped. Damn!!!!!! and other bad words!!!! I have decided to sleep on the couch until she is totally potty trained, no accidents at night because she will wake me up with her head shaking. I tried crating her one night and it was bad, never again.
So this is the only way I can know that she goes potty. Cesar Milan would probably say I am crazy but I don't know what else to do for the nighttime potty. I can't even keep her in a bathroom because it is a large enough space she would probably still have an accident. I have to figure she was caged and still peed and slept in it, even if she didn't want to, she had to.
Bubbles may have growled at my daughter today, I'm not sure because it was real short and could have been one of those complaing grumbles dogs do. Will have to start watching for signs of aggression. A little worried.

April 17th 2 days now.

2009-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Today was my 10 year anniversary, I completely forgot until the future date of April 19th when my husband surprised me with flowers. I felt so bad. I think he is a bit dismayed at my forgetting. :(
Today we were working outside on our garden and it was pretty toasty here. The sun was beating down and that's saying a lot for this spring in Michigan. Bubbles was out with us. I was dying of thirst. She would not sit or lay down and stood feet from me in the sun the whole time we were out there. I brought out a drink for myself and her bowl. She took a single lick and I knew she was dying of thirst because she never stops moving. I worry that she is not drinking enough and made her chicken broth because it is the only thing she will drink in front of us. I haven't noticed any water disappearing from her bowl. This falls into the same category as sleeping standing up.

April 16th

2009-04-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

Nothing new just working on potty training. No major news yet. She still trusts no one but me and won't allow anyone in the family to touch her. Bubbles won't approach anyone either. I have to hold her and let people pet her.
I did notice while she was walking in the kitchen today that her back ankles pop out of joint horribly. The left much worse than the right. i will have to talk to the vet about it. I am concerned that either she had her legs broke and they didn't repair right, or sitting in the cage caused some major weakening on those tendons that hold her ankles in joint. It could also be a genetic thing. I will post when I know. Only day 2.

April 15th continued

2009-04-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

Bubbles an I are alone in the kitchen, and I'm working on something. She is just standing behind me, and I start to watch her. She just stands there, won't sit or lay down. As I watch her she starts to sway and nearly falls down. The poor thing is sleeping standing up!
(Sorry about the angle of the video, I am used to taking pictures with this camera, and forgot I cannot adjust the video on computer.)
I reach down and pick her up. I actually have to make her lay down on my lap to sleep.
Poor baby tucks her head into my arm and falls asleep in 2 seconds. She must be exhausted, she's had such an eventful few days, and if this is how she usually tried to sleep, so as not to lay in her own filth, she must have never had a decent rest. I feel so sad looking at this poor helpless creature that has been treated with so much disregard.
Doggie gets a short nap and onto the next event.
I had to take my daughter to piano lessons, so I took along Bubbles. I couldn't leave her alone. Also a great chance for her to meet people galore! My husband and I run a martial arts studio, so endless scores of adults and kids for her to see. I know this is not easy for her, but the sooner she socializes the better. Again lots of uneventful stuff. When she meets new people I hold her so they can pet her. She feels secure enough in my arms and I can feel when the shaking subsides.
After meeting people at the gym, Bubbles is going to meet the family that will be babysitting her next week Friday, when my daughter goes to piano competition.
She does really well with this, and actually attempts to play with me. Bubbles will allow my friends daughter to hold her.
Done at the friends house, home dinner and bed and onto the next day.

Wednesday April 15.. Bubbles comes home

2009-04-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

I bought a crate for Bubbles for in the car, I see people driving with loose dogs in the car and I think they are crazy. Um......I drove home with Bubbles on my lap.... I decided I couldn't crate her. She's at least 4 years or older, and may have spent her whole life caged. I have survived trauma and just couldn't make her go through more. The car was going to be hard enough when the last and probably first time she has any memory of being in one she was thrown out the window. I did try to put her on the passenger seat and as soon as I tried to move her in that direction she started crying. So on my lap she went. I was so going to get arrested if I got pulled over!!! Forget cell phone distraction! She sat in my lap and shook for 5 minutes. I have to say I do watch Cesar Milan "The Dog Whisperer" and I didn't pet her during this time (I'm a good girl, yes I am), just waited for her to calm down on her own. She did and layed down. I'm thinking this isn't so bad. Get home, uneventful. Put her on a leash, kind of cute. She dosen't go anywhere. I stand and she stands, I walk she stands. She starts to walk I follow, she stops as soon as I take a step and flips around to make sure I am not going to kick her, and stand again. This went on for a half an hour. Time to change tactics. I go way in front of her holding her leash and call her "Bubbles, come here Bubbles." and she comes towards me, ( she dosen't understand but already wants to be near me and petted). Reward and again and again and again etc. Until we have walked 100 ft. Whew! time to rest. No potty yet.
Next time we go out I have my daughter hold the leash and follow her. I stand about 12 ft away and start calling, she comes, but as soon as my daughter takes a step she freaks out and flips around, checking for a kick or something equally nice. We keep working, and finally I get her to continuously walk for about 100ft before reward (this takes about 20 minutes). PROGRESS!!!!!!! :)

New baby...Bubbles

2009-04-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

WARNING!!!!!
I am going to get a little serious here over my next several blogs.

I adopted a dog named that we named Bubbles. I have decided to post her story and hopefully her transformation here. I use facebook, but you can only type so many letters and then they cut you off. Short attention span and all that. Maybe people with poor reading comprehension made the website, anyway back to Bubbles.
I found her as a listing on my local craigslist Friday. The story behind her was that some people were driving in a local Twp, and they started throwing dogs out the window of their car (possibly six dogs, but at least five). One dog was struck and later died. Bubbles was also hit but was fine, more of a bump than a hit. When I saw her picture on the web (I am bummed I didn't save it) I thought she didn't look to bad. I spent all weekend thinking about it and couldn't sleep at all. I decided that come Monday I was going to go see her. I hadn't yet decided that she was the one for us, there happened to be two possible candidates. I arrived at the pound and sitting in this room are the most miserable creatures I have ever seen. They are huddled in the corner of the visitiation room, there are three people already in the room with them, and they are as far away from these people as possible. I still had to ask at the front desk to visit the bichon's because I cannot believe these are the same dogs sitting in front of me as the dogs I saw on the internet.
My son is standing near the half wall they are behind. He has both fingers in his nose (He doesn't know how to plug his nose??????? Oh he's eight.) and wants to know what the horrible smell is. I walk into the little viewing area and then the smell hits me. The dogs are covered in there own filth!!! What caged life does to a dog!! You can't pet them, the only place you could touch them is on the very top of there head where there is on little spot you can put your finger tip. Or the bridge of their noses which are totally bald (I wonder if the hair will ever grow back, cage rubbing?) We spent about and hour and a half trying to coax these dogs to do something. They would sniff your hand after a few seconds of having it in their faces. I decided to adopt the one and here I am today. We have had her now for 4 days, and it has been work (I'm not kidding anyone) There are great joyful moments, and really frustrating moments.
I will post about the last four days over the next four days. That way if you're from facebook you might remeber what I am writing about :) Next post today: Getting Bubbles home Wednesday.

Pet adoption agencies and their questions

2009-03-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday I decided to go to our local Petsmart to see the dogs up for adoption. Now this is foolhardy on my part because one: I will not pay the adoption fees they ask ($200, some places are charging $400, what happened to free dogs? They all come with "rehoming fees". Even dog owners are doing this now. This fee implies that I have taken care of this dog and now don't want it, so I want a return on my investment. It's probably good these fees exist or I would have a herd of dogs.) Let me digress on how I ended up there.
I am continuously looking at dogs, my qualifications for a good dog are as follows: housebroken, no jumping, will stay outside with you without needing a leash, and will play fetch, almost free $50 is an acceptable fee. As you see, I will never own a dog, which is probably for the best since my son and I are both allergic. So Wednesday I find myself over at my friends house and we are discussing an adoption application for pugs. These are some of the questions on the online application
*How long have you been at this address? If less than two years,
please provide your previous address:
*Please describe your neighbor hood:
*If your yard is NOT fenced, please explain how you plan on containing your Pug:
Do you have a pool or spa? YES / NO If yes, what style?
Is it fenced? YES / NO Type of fence?
Will you reinforce or enclose areas if we request? YES / NO
Is your home safe from poisons or other dangers? YES / NO / NOT SURE
Is your home air conditioned? YES / NO
What is the activity level of your house hold?
*Please list ALL pets you have owned / raised in the past five(5) years with outcome. (i.e. death,
gave away, etc)
*9. If your Pug does something wrong, what method of correction will you use?
*13. Have you ever lost a pet or have a pet run away? If yes, please explain what happened and
what you did to find it:
*1. What brand of dog food do you plan on feeding your Pug?
*4. Weight gain tends to effect Pugs easily which shortens their life. How will you control
excessive weight gain in your Pug?
*5. Training a Pug can be challenging as they can be very stubborn. How do you plain on
training your Pug and what methods would you consider?
*6. Your Pug chewed a valuable personal item. What method of correction would you use and
how
*Please send up to five (5) years of vet records.
This application is 8 pages long. My friend thinks this is to dissuade people that may abuse the dogs from adopting them, but I disagree as the adoption group have had dogs now for over a year. Who wants to go through the trouble when you can go online to a breeder or even to a pet store filled with puppy mill dogs. This encourages that kind of shopping.
Ok off my soapbox.
We thought it would be funny to actually fill this out (for queston #5- sign him up with a personal trainer like Jillian Michaels) I also decided on a name for my pug-punt (like a football). Mean as it is if I really want to abuse a dog or get a pit bull (another story) for fighting I will pay the fee, and lie on the application.
So back to Petsmart. I am walking around with my two kids, one who wants a dog so badly and the other who would rather have another cat (my cats are outdoor cats which is considered abuse, although ask my cats how they would prefer to live. In a second they would choose outside. Ha to you cat adoption people!) Back to Petsmart again (I am very emotional about all this) and I round the corner and sitting in a chair holding a dog is this lady who is so old she looks like she will die before she even gets out to her car in the parking lot (this is totally not an exaggeration) and I think to myself, there is no age limit on adopting a dog. My gosh, they are so worried about the dog, but they haven't thought about the fact that the owner might get home with the dog, owner collapses from old age, dog eats the person (takes care of the question about what you will feed the dog, now dosen't it), now the dog is a raving mad dog, and has to be put down, this is just cruel. I think they should have restrictions on owner age!
Suddenly I notice this guy (not the guy who looks like..um...I don't think I can do this nicely....a dwarf with messed up arms... and is obviously helping the old lady....I am not making this up! But this other guy who is helping her to fill out the application )(she is mostly blind too). He asks her....(are you ready)...."Have your children ever taken care of pets?" This is a 120 year old woman!!!! For Gods sakes!!!! What kind of question is that, not "Do you plan on dying before you get to your car in the parking lot" which would be much more realistic!
So this woman looks at this "idiot man applicaton writer downer for the old that can't see" and she asks "are you kidding?" (which shows her age because of the wisdom in that short sentence.) I think she was thinking the same thought about the "dying before the car" question. So now that the "stupido man writing down answers for dumb quesstions to adopt dogs to dying people that may also be deaf" asks the same question " Have your children ever taken care of pets?" She replies "Of course" (she should have added "aren't you going to ask me if I am going to die before I get to my car, that seems more important than the question about my children, that are now 70 years old!") I walked away at this point before my mouth opened up and words that I have no control over left me. But as I was walking away, I heard him ask "What responsibilities will your children have in taking care of your dog" At that point I had to run!!!

A dream I once had

2009-02-27T12:02:00.000-08:00

Ever question what a dream means when you have one. I never bought a dream dictionary or anything but I do have some of the strangest dreams. The one that haunts me to this day is the dream I had that my husband, my two children and I were living at my mother's house. It was a dark and horrible morning, more like 5:00 a.m. My husband is downstairs getting an egg ready and I look out the front window and a giant squid is attacking my parent's neighbor's house. And just like in every horror movie it is absolute mayhem outside, people, screaming cars exploding, rain and thunder. I yell to my husband, who is a taekwondo master and can obviously defend us from this monster. I scream "Hurry and put on your superman suit, the giant squid is coming!" My husband looks at me and says very calmly "I must finish my egg first." What!!!! His egg is more important than getting on his superman suit and saving the world. What does this mean? His breakfast comes first? The squid is so slow that he can cook an egg, get dressed and still save the world? Why do I dream these strange dreams? What does it say about my psyche that I want to see my husband in a superman suit?
Sometimes I am a wonder even to myself.

Discoveries made while lying in bed

2009-01-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I was in bed trying to keep my husband awake (so he could rub our itchy child) and I put my fingertips on his back and they started vibrating. Humming actually. It was the weirdest sensation. I thought "Wow, that is an electrical current! But coming out of my husband's shoulder?" So I told him about the strange humming emitting from his shoulder blade. He couldn't feel anything, and just thought it was the massive glass of wine I had drunk. I kept playing with the current, using the space on the top of my hand (the unnamed space between your first knuckle and second). Then I had a brilliant idea to convince him that there really was an electric current coming from his back. I thought if he had one, I must too. So I had him check my back. Lo-and-behold, I was humming too. I also could not feel this strange vibration. We checked our children and they were not humming with electricity. We started to think about the possiblity that we were picking up these vibrations from our Sunbeam electric blanket, maybe it was putting out EMF's, so we switched it off and the vibrations went away. So today I google "are electric blankets safe" and this pops up.

"ELECTRIC BLANKET EMF’S (60 Hz Electromagnetic Frequency Waves)

In the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, some scientists and others began to be concerned over the safety of electromagnetic fields (EMF’s). Various studies in that timeframe had raised concerns over the possibility that the EMF’s generated by power companies’ overhead transmission lines and some appliances could cause cancer especially in children. The United States government became involved and studied over 500 peer reviewed papers written on this potential problem. The National Research Council spent around 65 million dollars and finally stated that there was no conclusive evidence that residential EMF’s play any role in the development of cancer, in reproductive issues or in learning/behavioral issues. Nevertheless Sunbeam, which was then the only major United States manufacturer of electric blankets, altered the design of its products to reduce EMF’s. Redesigned blankets produced after 1992 had much weaker electrical fields than their predecessors. The argument over EMF’s has never gone away completely although very few scientists and medical experts continue to believe that they can cause problems."

http://www.electricblanketinstitute.com/Safety.html

If your back is humming because of EMF's I have to wonder, can that be good? Sunbeam needs to look at their design again because I don't think being able to run electric current through your body is a really good thing. Maybe I can use the blanket as a back up generator.

I know how I'm going to die Do you?

2009-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

I have confronted hunters with loaded guns! I have walked on super thin ice! Was I shot? NO! Did I fall in the 28 ft deep pond? NO! Why did I do these things? Am I an imbecile? NO! I know that nothing but stairs can kill me. How do I know this? It has been foretold by my 8 year old son. I will die a horrible death by falling down the stairs. So if I avoid stairs I will live forever. I am thinking about skydiving. Parachute or no parachute?

The slogan of an unsuccessful company.

2009-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to whole foods (or whole paycheck depending on who you're talking to) and bought three things for around $11.00. I bought organic chocolate chips, organic coconut, and organic marshmallows (organic marshmallows is like trade in diamonds). Did you see what I paid around $11.00! I hope whole foods sees this, because I might shop there now. Although your lentils are pricey, $1.99 a pound. My friend told me not to buy those (she wanted 5 pounds). Imagine if you lowered your price on those you could have made another $5.00 at least.
So absolutely shocked at the prices I found I had to call my friend about 5 times to make sure I was still on the planet.(By the sixth time, I think I had really annoyed her,which is my goal in life), (Sparkles in case you ever read this) but the last time was a must phone call. I look over at the passenger seat of my car, that's where the most important bags go and I read on the bag "Everything you expect from a store and less" Is this good advertising I ask myself? I had to read it three times, then make that important call. I needed to check that I read it right. Everything I want from a store and less, what are they trying to say? Not everything I want for less. Whole foods is less than a store. Are they missing a wall? Or the beverage section. I mean, how would the average consumer see this? A store that is less. I thought about calling the store and asking what they mean by this demeaning statement (or taking the online survey if they have one). But then I thought if it is keeping the prices lower because people won't go, (I mean come on, it is less than a store), than that is divine providence, and I can't mess with that. Praise God!

I am speechless

2009-01-03T13:16:00.001-08:00

I know I titled this I am speechless but I have something to say. Emily Bear. Ok, enough said. Oh a little more, she composed this song.

news for dummies

2009-01-02T17:20:00.000-08:00

This has been a harsh week. Starting on Sunday our power went out due to a wind storm. 60 mph winds will do that. Not just us but 240,000 others, so I was trying to cope and know others were having just as much of a hard time. But then I read this article in the Free Press or Detroit News (the same anyway) (Ha! I just let people know I live in Michigan) about this woman that had her power out for like 5 hours. She was talking about how horrible it was for her children and her that they had to lay under blankets and it just kept getting colder. We were out for 4 days! I wasn't interviewed! My interview may have gone something like this. "yeah, it was cold in the morning, but this woman that had her power out for 5 hours, she really understood the awfulness of it all. Instead of going to the library where they had power, or the mall, man, she just like rode it out. What a trooper."
Does the newspaper look for the stupidest people in the area and post only their interview? I think they do, because then they can have an article that they write themselves that states how to survive a power outage in the winter. Like going to the store all day, maybe renting a hotel room. Because we are obviously too stupid to come up with these ideas on our own. Then the newspaper can feel like someone's hero. So here is my winter survival tip if you ever run out of power in the winter "FOR ALL YOU STUPID PEOPLE stay the heck away from your house until power is restored." Print that newsman!

Queen for a day....?

2008-12-19T06:01:00.001-08:00

Last night at around 7:00 p.m. I officially became "QUEEN FOR THE DAY" (all Caps because it is so important). Have you ever threatened your husband with beheading, which is legal when you are a queen? I got to (jealous?). So how did I earn such a prestigious title (I know you want to). I found something that was lost. It was that simple. I was considering murder when my daughter lost her Carpatina doll French princess outfit. But instead I offered to my "very good children who would never take advantage of an offer of royalty" that if one of them found it they could be royalty for the day.
I FOUND IT!!! That earns me the title of "QUEEN FOR THE DAY" I haven't quite figured out how I am going to live it up yet as I have to clean the house, cook for a Christmas party, do laundry, and pay the bills. Oh I was just informed that I have to help shovel the snow from our latest snowstorm off of the driveway. But my moment is coming. QUEEN FOR THE DAY RULES!!!

Size does matter(no matter what they say)

2008-12-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

I am feeling a little guilty because I started this thing and then haven't published anything for months. I have an excuse. I really do. It involves cabbage and a knife that betrayed me...again. So anyway, my finger doesn't hurt as much to type with anymore, so I 'm back in action. I have vowed never to use that knife again, but, well its my favorite. I think I'm addicted to the knife. It is highly possible that the manufacturer of this knife used cocaine on the handle.
I am dealing with a very serious problem right now besides the fact that I will never have feeling in the tip of my pinky again. What is this insurmountable problem you may ask (if not you better be or I may think you just don't care). Here it is .......Small chickens!!!! I ordered chickens and they are small. They won't lay large eggs, and I don't think it is because they are underachievers. Wouldn't that be great. They could have unionized and since I don't understand their demands, they are laying small eggs. Anyway as you see I have looked at this from every possible angle, and I came up with the conclusion that they are just small. Now how do you prove that your chickens are smaller than average (bantam is the official terminology for an underachieveing chicken)? I thought about having them all line up in a row (using hypnotism of course!) and taking a picture of them to compare size (I have four regular size chickens and 1 small chicken) but will they expect some kind of compensation for modeling for me?
The company I bought them from told me to withhold their corn. Holy cow(holy chicken is more like it), did you ever see an angry chicken? Those kids rioting in Greece have nothing on my chickens.
So for now I will continue to ponder this question of how to prove your chickens are smaller than other chickens.

I was pushed.

2008-10-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well lets just start with why I am even doing this in the first place. My friend Candace the writer has told me and told me to start a blog because my life is a little crazy. If she had told me to do it once or twice, I could have ignored it. But I think she has told me now at least 26 times over the course of a year. Today I open my email to find.....What you may ask? Of course another push to start a blog. My friend Candace the bully has done it again. Not enough that I join Facebook no, she is still pestering about blogging events of my life for the general public to read. So just want everyone to understand this is against my will and I was pushed into this.